


Smoke and Mirrors

by Shadowblayze



Series: Fragments 'Verse [13]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Crossdressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 07:38:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6275539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowblayze/pseuds/Shadowblayze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1981 was a year of tragedy for Petunia Evans-Dursley.  However due to slightly changed circumstances, Harry Potter's life with the Dursleys is forever altered.  When the preservation of the 'Greater Good' necessitates magical intervention years later, Harry's life takes yet another drastic turn.</p>
<p>Lal doesn't care why one of the boys dresses like a girl, but she's determined to keep these kids away from her idiot of a Boss.</p>
<p>Determined enough to call that idiot Colonello.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smoke and Mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> The summary is...lackluster.
> 
> I wanted to write a character who had been raised with a unique view of gender roles. Harry knows he's a boy, but Petunia raised him as her daughter.
> 
> InsaneScriptist helped with this- the majority has been written for a while- but maybe some discussion or suggestions would help prod the muse?
> 
> At any rate, please enjoy!

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Petunia Evans-Dursley did her best to stifle her sobs with a handkerchief as she gazed at the baby booties that she’d bought less than a week ago in her excitement about her and Vernon’s new baby.

She’d miscarried just the day before yesterday.

It had been in the early hours of the morning when she’d felt that something was wrong and by afternoon she’d miscarried.  She hadn’t been very far along yet, she had just told Vernon two weeks ago and she’d bought the booties on her way home from the Doctor’s office, having the pregnancy medically confirmed.

Petunia hiccupped and reached out to trace the fluffy little pink socks, running her fingers over them with heartbreak etched on her face as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.

She’d so desperately wanted Dudley to have a sibling, a little sister preferably.  A girl for her and Vernon, one that Petunia could name after a flower as Petunia’s mother had been and her mother’s mother before that.

Vernon had been doing his best to support her, but there was very little that he could do for her right now.  She’d even had trouble watching after dear Dudders the past few days, feeling entirely disconnected and lethargic, letting him misbehave without exacting his usual punishments. 

Oh, she was never cruel, but a firm swat and withholding his daily sweet were par for the course if he acted out.  Since her release from the hospital, however, she’d barely been able to muster up the strength to function.

Petunia started as the light from the streetlamps abruptly flickered out.

_That’s odd_.  She thought, rising from her seat and ghosting over to her favorite vantage point to spy on Number Seven’s driveway from between the thin slats of the entryway curtains.  She’d glanced over at the kitchen and noted that the power didn’t seem to be out, as the microwave light was still lit, just the streetlamps.

So it was that Petunia Evans-Dursley heard the conversation that took place before her doorstep during the night of November 1st, 1981.

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Headmaster Albus Dumbledore was known for his many official titles.  Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Supreme Mugwamp of the International Confederation of Wizards, and the Defeater of Dark Lord Grindelwald.

It was generally a bit of a shock, then, when new people met him in person for the first time knowing all of his official titles, to see that he had a rather unique sense of style. 

He was a rather tall, thin elderly man with long white hair and an equally long white beard.  He had small, half-rimmed spectacles which were perched upon his rather crooked nose, which seemed to have been broken a few times and reset incorrectly.  He usually wore his traditional point wizard’s hat, but he preferred colors  such as pink and purple or patterns of twinkling stars on a more demure navy blue to the somber, perfunctory styles of robes that one would usually expect a man of his standing to wear.  He favored heeled shoes with decorative buckles, and was otherwise the very picture of Merlin from the Disney animated movie The _Sword and The Stone_.

Headmaster Dumbledore had arrived on the street of Privet Drive for a very important reason, and not wanting to alarm the muggles if any of them happened to be watching, took a small device out of his pocket and clicked it open, causing the lights from the nearby streetlamps to zoom towards the small device and disappear into it, one by one, until the entire street was dark.

He walked a bit further down the street, the light of the waning moon allowing him to make out the form of the small tabby cat that was sitting stiffly on the sidewalk that led to the house marked by a decorative ‘4’ on the door.

“Good evening, Professor McGonagall.”  The elderly man greeted the small cat.  “I thought I might find you here.”

The cat jumped into the air and rippled a few times before transforming into a tall, middle-aged with her light brown hair drawn up into a strict bun, and an impressive frown upon her face.  The woman was dressed in a Victorian style dress that covered her from her neck down, with an ivory fastening displayed in the hollow of her throat, which only seemed to reinforce her disapproving expression.

“Albus.”  The woman greeted neutrally.  “Is it as they say?  Is You-Know-Who truly gone?”

“Indeed.”  The Headmaster smiled brightly, his teeth glinting in the low lighting.  “Voldemort-“  The woman flinched and glanced around warily, “-has been vanquished.”

“And James and Lily?”  She asked hesitantly.

  The man gave her a knowing look and the smile slipped off of his face.  “I’m afraid that James and lily perished, but young Harry survives.”

“Is it true then?”  The woman asked, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief that she pulled from her sleeve.  “That he really went after them?”

“I’m afraid so.”  Dumbledore told her kindly.  “Voldemort came to the house and blasted through the other defenses, first encountering James and then after James fell, continued on up into the nursery, where Lily made her stand and when Voldemort-“  the woman flinched again.  “-turned his wand on young Harry Lily’s sacrifice protected him and sent the Killing Curse back towards him.  All that was left were his robes.”

“She was always a brilliant girl.”  Professor McGonagall said wetly, a fond smile on her face.  “she excelled at Potions and Charms the best, but she was still a joy to have in the classroom.  James, however, he was a Transfiguration prodigy.  I’d hoped..”  She swallowed a few times and struggled to keep her wobbly smile in place.  “I’d hoped that he’d take my place one day.”

The conversation trailed off as the sounds of a motorbike drew nearer.  As the sound drew closer a large figure could be seen in the sky, a large man with wild, shaggy hair and goggles sat atop a flying motorbike with a sidecar, losing altitude as her drew closer to the two on the street, touching down and coming to a halt just short of them.

“Evenin’ Headmaster, Professer McGonagall.”  The large man, who seemed to be part giant as he was both tall and large, greeted them as he dismounted and moved over to the sidecar.  A few moments later the large man was gently cradling a small bundle.  “Fell asleep jus’ as we were flyin’ over Bristol.”  The man informed as he turned to face the pair, tugging the blankets back a bit and exposing the face of a baby with a lightning shaped wound on his head.

“Excellent, Hagrid!”  The Headmaster beamed at the man, gently taking the bundle from the man and tucking a letter into the blankets.  The elderly man then walked up to the house with the number ‘4’ on the door and placed the baby on the doorstep, the other two following after him.

“Oh.”  The woman said in agitation as she wrung her hands anxiously.  “Isn’t there any other way, Albus?  These people are the worst sort of muggles!  I saw the child throw a fit this afternoon!  He yelled and screamed and kicked his mother all the way up the street over sweets!”

“Now, Minerva, I’m sure that it wasn’t that bad.”  The man placated the anxious woman.

“It was!”  She snapped at him.  “He’s a hero in our world!  Why, there won’t be a single child who won’t know the name Harry Potter, mark my words!”

“Precisely my dear.”  The man told her as he stepped back from the doorstep.  “He needs to be away from all the mania that is sure to come, and let us not forget that while Voldemort was vanquished, his followers weren’t.  The protections I’ve placed based on Lily’s sacrifice and tied to Petunia and Harry based on the blood they share will keep him safe from any who would seek to harm him in retribution.”

The woman sniffled and reached down to place a quick kiss on the baby’s brow.  “Be safe, little one.”

The large man, Hagrid, burst into noisy sobs and pulled out what seemed to be a tablecloth to wipe his tears and blow his nose.  “James an’ Lily dead, ‘n their baby boy off to stay with muggles.”  He said after a moment.  “It’s j’s so tragic.”

“I know Hagrid, but it’s for the best.”  The Headmaster consoled the giant man.  “Now we must be going, there are celebrations to attend and much work left to be done.”

And with that the woman disappeared with a soft _pop_ and the giant man climbed atop the motorbike, leaving the elderly man alone on the mostly dark street with the baby he’d placed on the doorstep.  “I’m sorry, young Harry.”  The man said to the night air.  “I fear that you will not be happy here, but it’s for the Greater Good.”

With that the man walked away, returning the lights to the streetlamps and also disappearing with a soft _pop_.

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Petunia waited an extra five minutes before pulling her door open and taking the baby from the doorstep with shaky hands.

She didn’t even bother to read the letter, tossing it into the bin that was kept in the living room and taking the toddler into the kitchen with her.  Petunia put some watered down juice in a bottle that she’d still had in the cabinet and added a few drops of fever reducer, wince she wanted to be proactive just in case the baby had been exposed to too much cold air.

“Ridiculous magicals.”  She seethed as she jostled the baby enough to make him latch on to the bottle.  “Leaving a toddler on a doorstep in November.”  Petunia bit back the urge to sob as she thought about her baby sister being _gone_.

Lily had been bright and vivacious and fearless, and for all Petunia feared being powerless against a magical, (as she had been against that Snape boy, who had been horrid to her when Lily wasn’t looking and then had made Lily believe that Petunia had been making up tales), she had loved her little sister.

Petunia smiled down at the baby as he drank the last bit that was in the bottle and she tossed a kitchen towel over her shoulder as she burped him, wanting to be cautious even though he was old enough to not actually need burping.

You never knew _what_ those ridiculous magicals could have done to the poor thing!

The woman paced around her kitchen with her nephew in her arms as she thought about everything.  She’d lost her baby just a few days prior and now she’d lost her sister and gained custody of her nephew.

However……

It was highly unlikely that she’d ever be able to have another baby, and actually it was likely that she’d need a hysterectomy before too long.  During her hospital visit the doctors had discovered that her uterus had slipped down from where it was supposed to be and in a few years it could cause her major health complications. 

So it was highly likely that she would never be able to have another child.

Petunia gazed down at the adorable baby and a mad plan began to form inside her mind.

If little Harry was magical like Lily had been then he would be invited to that Hogwarts School when he turned eleven.  No one on Privet Drive actually _knew_ that Petunia’s sister had had a boy, just that she had a married sister.

If she added just the right spin to the gossip, Petunia knew that she could justify giving the child her- and Lily’s- maiden name instead of using _Potter_. 

She looked down at the peacefully sleeping baby, momentarily pondering at the resilience of children, as she tried to flesh out her radical plan.

The boy would be gone before he hit puberty, and Vernon would go along with anything that would help her through this tragedy.

There was no need for her to raise a _nephew_ when she could raise a _niece_.

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Jamie Evans was an adorable little girl with bright green eyes, dark black hair that tinted red in the right lighting and fell in ringlets down her back, and a cheerful disposition.

She was adored by her dance coach, charmed all the ladies at tea with her lovely flower arrangements and proper manners, and could speak French nearly as well as she spoke the Queen’s English.  She enjoyed cultivating the yard with her mum, Petunia, and helped with the cooking and cleaning like a good girl.

Jamie also had a secret.

You see, Jamie was actually a little boy and she’d been taken in by her Aunt and Uncle when she’d been a baby and her parents had died in an accident.

Her name was actually Harry James Potter, but her mum had always wanted a little girl so it was her and Jamie’s secret that Jamie wasn’t actually….well, Jamie.  Mum had taught her how to dress and act like a girl and how to hide the ‘boy parts’, but Jamie knew that she was really a boy like Dudley was, despite her dress-up act.

It was like playing make-believe _all the time!_

Well, Jamie was fairly certain that Uncle Vernon knew, but anyone who knew anything about Vernon Dursley knew that in the home his wife’s word was law.

(Mum and Jamie had giggled about how much of a softy Uncle Vernon was when it came to things that mum wanted while they tended the garden together.)

Petunia had also sat Jamie down and told her about her real parents and the world they belonged to and how Jamie had to be really, really careful to keep from having outbursts of ‘accidental magic’, lest it upset Uncle Vernon.

While Petunia was very much her Mum, Uncle Vernon had always been rather distant from Jamie.  The girl had little doubt that if she didn’t go along with Aunt Petunia’s dress-up game and upset her that Uncle Vernon would have little compunction about kicking her to the curb.

“Jamie!  It’s time for your piano lessons!”  Mum called from downstairs.

“Coming!”  She called back, gathering up her sheet music and dashing down the stairs.

Petunia fussed over the girl, righting her cute little sundress and fixing her slightly mussed hair.  “You’re a mess.”  The woman told Jamie warmly.

“Always!”  Jamie chirped back, bouncing a little in excitement as she became impatient.  “Mum!  We’ll be late!”  She complained after a few more minutes went by and Petunia was still fussing with her hair.

“Yes, yes.”  The woman retorted with a smile.  “Heaven forbid we be late to the Princess’ lessons.”

“Indeed.”  Jamie said in her best regal voice, sticking her nose in the air and striding forward, only to accidentally bump against the doorframe.  “Owie.”  She whined as she rubbed her sore nose, ignoring her mum’s chuckled.

“Not quite ready for the big leagues, daughter dear.”  Her mum told her as they made their way out the door and started the short walk to her piano teacher’s house.  “One day, though.”

“Yeah.”  Jamie said as she smiled at her favoritest person in the whole world.  “Someday.”

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Albus Dumbledore frowned as he looked over the latest reports from Arabella Figg.

Albus had known that he’d been condemning young Harry to a less-than-pleasant childhood with the Dursley family, but he hadn’t expected _this_.

The man steepled his fingers and peered at the parchment with the neat handwriting as he pondered over the information that Harry Potter had won the Little _Miss_ Surrey award.

While he’d promised Petunia that there would be no magical interference this really wasn’t something that he could allow to go uninvestigated.

What to do?

All of his plans were for the Greater Good, after all.

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Vernon Dursley didn’t know what had happened.

This morning his day had started off as any other, coming down to the lovely breakfast that his wife and niece,  Oh, Vernon knew Jamie was Harry, and a boy, but having a daughter made Petunia happy, so therefore Harry was Jamie, end of story!, had prepared.   While he’d eaten he had talked sports with his strapping young lad for a while, before kissing his wife goodbye and leaving Number Four plenty early for his job at Grunnings.  That day he’d sealed a rather profitable deal and was greatly looking forward to going home and celebrating with his family.

When he’d arrived home, however-

Something had changed.

His wife was incredibly upset, and every time she looked at Jamie it seemed to become worse.

Petunia had always been rather delicate and after the miscarriage Vernon had been afraid that he’d need to take her to a Doctor, but once Jamie had come things had gotten better.  Vernon was well aware of the fact that Jamie adored her mum, which meant that Petunia’s new, disheveled state was the fault of someone from that world.

If things didn’t go back to normal soon, and Petunia kept getting agitated by simply looking at her, then there would be one less resident of Privet Drive.

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Jamie sat in the cupboard under the stairs and hiccupped as she tried to remember what went _wrong_.

One morning she’d gotten up and started helping her mum with breakfast, and by that afternoon mum couldn’t even look at her without seeming confused.  Jamie hadn’t thought much about it until mum had progressed from _confused_ to _irritated_ and then to _angry_.

The boy-who-was-a-girl burst out into fresh tears as she felt her head throb in pain from where mum had whacked her over the head with the frying pan earlier before she’d been shoved inside her ‘new room’.

Once again she scrunched her eyes shut and tried to grab on to the wispy stands of memories from the day that everything changed, only to grow more frustrated as the memories danced just out of her metaphoric reach, causing her to cry harder. 

_I just want things to go back to how they were_!  She thought as she buried her face into her arms _.  I don’t mind being Jamie even though I’m a boy!  I just want mummy to go back to the way she was before!_

For the fifth time in a fortnight Jamie Evans cried herself to sleep.

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Uncle Vernon stopped the car, turning to look a Jamie with pitiless dark eyes.  “This is your fault, _boy_.”  He growled at the terrified child.  “Before you we didn’t have any contact with those-those freaks.  Then we took you in, out of the goodness of our hearts, and they come and _hurt my wife_.”

Jamie flinched and huddled into herself.  “I’m sorry.”  She whispered miserably.  “I never meant to hurt mummy.”

The man grunted and gestured towards the door.  “Go on.  The _freak_ entrance is somewhere around here, based on what Pet told me when she told me about her sister.  Find them or don’t I don’t care, but I don’t want to ever see you darken my door and bring trouble down on my family again, you hear?”

Jamie hiccupped slightly and nodded, slowly reaching up and opening the door, hoping that Uncle Vernon would change his mind and take her home, where mum would be waiting for her and everything would be okay agai-

“Go!”  Vernon roared, taking a swipe at her.  “Leave and take the misfortune you brought upon my family with you, you little _freak_!”

Jamie stood with her back against a lamppost and tears streaming down her face as she watched her Uncle drive away without a backward glance.

After a while her tears seemed to dry, and as the November cold seeped into her she realized that her Uncle had actually abandoned her on one of the empty side streets of London at twilight.  Well, it wasn’t an entirely empty street, but it seemed that everyone else was busy or entirely disinterested in the girl that had been dropped off by herself and left there.

The next few days were an exercise in running from the Bobbies, trying to take catnaps in places that were reasonably dry, scavenging food that she could manage to choke down and keep down, and having more and more incidents of ‘accidental magic’ as she grew more and more stressed and desperate.

The afternoon of the third day she had noticed that she was being followed by a strange man, and she’d tried to run and shake him off her tail, only to end up in a dead-end alleyway.

Jamie cried as the man advanced on her and she closed her eyes and wished with all of her being that she could somehow stop him.

There was a moment when the air seemed to still and then, like a wave breaking upon the shore, she felt power well up inside her that was different from what she sensed her magic felt like, and when she opened her eyes she saw bright Flames licking at her skin and the man still advancing towards her.

Jamie lunged forward and pushed against this new power, too scared and angry to feel the panic that tried to well up when her mind caught up to the fact that she was on fire.

Her attacker went down screaming, and Jamie smiled, then all she knew was darkness.

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Jamie woke up inside a dark room, her wrists bound, and she blearily blinked her eyes as she tried to take stock of her surroundings.

The memories of the man and the fire and her passing out crashed down on her suddenly and she bit her lip to keep from whimpering at the way her head throbbed with pain.

“She is a Sky, Maurice!”  An accented voice said in English.  “’She is very powerful.  The boss will be pleased.”

“Keep it down, idiot!”  A gruff voice replied.  “You know better than to say shit like that this close to Italy!  Do you want to fight every other Flame using Mafia Famiglia out there?  Maybe take on the fucking Vongola while you’re at it?”

“Non!”  The other voice shot back heatedly.  “But it is true….”

The voices faded out and she heard a door close.

_Okay, breathe Jamie._  She told herself firmly.  They haven’t figured out your secret yet.  _You just need to figure out how to get out of here before that happens._

Mum- Aunt Petunia- had been clear about how bad it would be for people to find out about Jamie’s secret and how important it was to make sure that never happened.  According to mum it would be even worse than what happened to pretty little girls who dressed inappropriately.

Jamie managed to undo her bonds and she padded over to the window and peeked out cautiously.

She was somewhere along the coast, as she could see a bright expanse of water that stretch out from beyond the horizon.  She was on the second floor of a building, but there was a ledge, and if she could just get the window open….

_Take one thing at a time, sweetheart_.  Mum’s voice echoed in her ears as she began to feel panic creep up her spine and cloud her thoughts.  _Whenever something seems impossible, take one thing at a time, and before you know it a big problem turns into smaller, more manageable ones_.

The memory of her mum telling her that calmed her and made her want to cry.

_One thing at a time_.  She told herself firmly as a few tears slipped out and she angrily brushed them away.  _One thing at a time…._

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Lal Mirch was absolutely disgusted by her ‘Boss’ at the moment.

She had originally decided to partner with the CEDEF- or _Consulenza Esterna Della Famiglia_ \- because of her personal connection to the previous Boss.  When the man had decided to retire, Lal had been asked to stay, and she’d done so mostly because she’d personally trained most of the Operatives.  However, there were days like _today_ where she bitterly regretted doing so.

_Stupid idio_ t.  She seethed as she made her way down the sidestreets of Sanremo, Italy.  She was in the small-ish Italian town as part of a CEDEF investigation into rumors of a French Famiglia trying to edge into the Serenti Famiglia’s territory.  The CEDEF were involved because the Serenti Famiglia were a subset of the Medici Famiglia, who were allied to the Vongola Famiglia.

Thus far they hadn’t found any concrete evidence, but her stupid Boss was ready to pull up stakes and leave even though Lal had found plenty of circumstantial evidence that _something_ was happening. _Perhaps not what we originally suspected_ , Lal admitted in the sanctity of her mind    _But something is happening and if we don’t investigate thoroughly whatever it is could come back around to bite us in the ass later. Whatever is happening is bound to be bad for the alliance and the reputation of the Vongola, so it’s better to be thorough than to look like incompetent idiots later._

_But Iemitsu wants to pull out already because we’re ‘wasting resources’. Bah._ Lal snarled as she sidestepped a few people who were looking at her a bit too closely.  _That_ _Stupid, idiotic, pig-headed moronic, imbecilic_ \- Lal’s internal tirade cut off when she felt a brief flare of Dying Will Flames.  _This area doesn’t have any Dying Will Flame users according to our intel_.  She thought as she ducked into the shadows and headed in the direction that she’d felt the Flames originate from.

When Lal arrived she found two children, the sources of the Flames, cowering from a pair of men that she was certain belonged to the Montet Familgia, due to the tattoos on the skin between their thumbs and index fingers.

Lal smirked evilly and adjusted her visor.

She did _so_ enjoy beating up idiotic men.

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Jamie had made it out of the window and onto the ledge before a new issue had cropped up.

Specifically, there was a boy about her age in the next room.

She’d chewed on her lip in indecision for a moment, but the binds on his hands were a pretty clear indication that he was in the same situation as her.

It had taken some tricky thinking, (and, unknown to her, some helpful accidental magic), but she’d managed to pry the window open enough to slip inside the room.

Once inside she’d shaken the boy awake.  “Hey.”  She’d whispered urgently.  “Hey, wake up!”

The boy groaned and slowly blinked his eyes open and she’d hurriedly place her hands over his mouth to keep him quiet.  “I’m Jamie.”  She said quickly and quietly.  “And I don’t know how much longer we have before they come back.  Come on, we’ve got to go!”

The boy had peered at her suspiciously but had nodded ad followed her lead.

She made it down to the ground with her new companion in tow before shouts were heard from the second-story windows.

“ _Bollocks_.”  She cursed, grabbing the boy’s hand and darting off into the streets.

They ran for what felt like forever, but was probably more like an half an hour or slightly longer before they hit a dead end and the men from earlier found them.

“Stupid brats!”  One of the men snarled.  “We should have given you a higher dose.”

The boy stepped in front of her and faced them.  “ _Let us go_.”  He told them firmly in French, though his hands were trembling slightly.  “ _At least let her go_.”  He amended after a long moment.

The men burst out into cruel, mocking laughter.  “What will you do if we don’t?”  The man with the accent steered.

“We’ll fight.”  Jamie said boldly, stepping up beside the boy and glaring at the men.

“Oh, I’m so scared.”  The first man sneered at the children.

“You should be.”  Jamie shot back, tightening her hands into fists and trying to reach for that strange power that she’d used against her last attacker who had cornered her in a dead end alleyway.

After a few moments the Flames once again flickered to life around her, though much weaker than before, and a few moments later Flames also began to flicker around the boy, though they were a different color.

“ _Let us go_.”  The boy said again, bringing his fists up in defiance.

“Make us.”  The second man snarled as the duo took a step forward.

“Gladly.”  A female voice rang out from behind the men.

A few moments later both children were treated to the sight of a blue-haired baby wearing a large red-tinted visor beating the crap out of the two men who had previously been holding them hostage.

“That should do it.”  The baby, (woman?), said with a great deal of satisfaction as she landed one last kick to the face of man number two.  “Now then.”  She said as she stood on the head of one of the downed attackers.  “Who are you two and where do I return you?”

Jamie’s Flames flickered out and she swayed a little, managing to stay upright when the boy wrapped an arm around her.  “I’m Jamie.  I don’t-“  Her voice wobbled and eyes went teary.  “I don’t have a home anymore.”

The boy shrugged.  _“Me either.”_

The baby, (woman?) sighed in aggravation.  “Well, then, what’s your name?”

The boy shrugged again, but this time there was tenseness in his frame that belied his unease.  “ _All the names I’ve been called up until now weren’t very nice_.”

The baby made a strangled noise that was impossible to decipher.  ”Great.”  She said after a long moment, running a small hand through her blue hair.  “Fabulous.”  She muttered.  “Can’t leave you brats here.”  She made a sour face.  “Not taking you to Iemitsu the Idiot either.  But what-hm.”  The baby’s lips curled into a smile.  “That would work.”

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“Lal my darling, this is a pleasant surprise, kora!”  Colonnello chirped into the telephone receiver cheerfully.  “Have you-“

“Colonnello I need a favor.”  The mildly irritated voice of his lovely Lal cut him off abruptly.

“Oh?”  The blonde baby said curiously, a blond brow arching in surprise.  “What do you need, kora?”

“ _I found a couple of Flame Active brats.  I need you to take them in so I don’t have to watch them deal with Iemitsu’s idiocy_.”

Colonnello’s brow arched further towards his hairline.  “Isn’t it standard CEDEF policy to take brats in and brainwash them, kora?”

_“Iemitsu has pushed to the limits of my tolerance, and I’m an Arcobaleno first and foremost_.”  Lal snarled venomously.  “ _Will you help me or not?”_

“Of course, kora!”  Colonnello yelped.  “Anything for my lovely Lal!  They can be the children of our passionate lo-“

“ _We’ll be there in a few hours_.” 

The line went dead.

Colonnello grinned goofily as he hung up the phone.

His lovely Lal was coming to see him!

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Jamie squirmed uncomfortably as Lal looked her confusedly.  “I don’t mind the girl clothes.”  She murmured quietly.  “It’s like playing dress up.”

It hadn’t been long after the baby- who had instructed the two children to call her Lal- had hung up the small device that she’d used like a telephone that the baby had looked at Jamie closely and asked her why she was dressed as a girl.

“It was my mum’s thing.”  Jamie hurried to explain.  “She’d always wanted a daughter and lost her baby right before my parents died.  When she took me in- my real mum was actually her sister- she decided that it would be our game for me to pretend to be a girl.  I’ve always been referred to as a girl and dressed and acted like one.”  Jamie shrugged unconcernedly.  “It doesn’t really bother me, because I know that I’m really a boy.”

“O…kay.”  Lal said after a long moment.  “Well, as long as you’re fine with it, but if you had a mum- or an aunt who you called your mum- why don’t you have anywhere to return to?”

Jamie’s eyes filled with tears.  “Well, I-I always knew I was different.  My mum-my aunt- said my real mum went to a school called Hogwarts.”

“So she was a witch.” Lal stated bluntly.

The girl nodded hesitantly.  “I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, but yes.  That’s what mum- Aunt Petunia- told me.”  The girl huffed in frustration and looked down at the ground.  “I don’t remember what happened!  It’s all wispy and out of reach when I try to force myself to remember, but one day mum just changed.  At first she just got confused when she looked at me, and then she became irritated, and then angry.  Uncle dropped me off in London and told me to never come back.  He never really liked me.”  She finished sadly.

Lal snorted.  “What a jackass.  Sounds like someone messed with your head or your aunt’s head.  We’ll have to get that looked at later.”  Lal turned to the boy.  “Alright, brat.  You’re up.”

The boy shrugged.  “ _My father was supposedly a big-shot from Italy and my mother was….free-spirited.  I was raised by my maternal great-aunt who despised me and was taken about a month or so ago on my way home from school_.”

“So you have a name.”  Lal pointed out.

“ _I hate it.”_   The boy’s eyes flashed with many emotions, but anger was the most easy to recognize.  “I’ll never use it ever again.”

The baby nodded her head.  “Fair enough.  Well, since I saved your hide I get to name you.”  She tapped her chin for a second.  “All my coworkers are named after spices, sooooo- Basil.”  She proclaimed after a moment of thought.  “Your new name is Basil.”

_“Basil_.”  The name rolled over the boy’s tongue easily.  “ _Basil_.”  He repeated again after a moment, a thoughtful look on his face.  “ _Basil.  I like it_.”  He decided with a smile.

Lal smirked, “Good, because you’re stuck with it.”

Jamie giggled and turned to the other child, holding out her hand for him to shake.  “ _I’m Jamie, it’s nice to meet you_!”  She said in French.

The boy grinned back at her and reached out to accept her proffered hand and gave it a firm shake.  “ _I’m Basil, it’s nice to meet you Jamie.”_

Her smile stretched wider and Lal snorted in the background.  “Alright, come on brats.  Gotta get you out of here before my idiot of a ‘Boss’ shows up and makes me hurt him.”

Both children laughed and followed her as she began walking, muttering uncomplimentary things about her Boss in a not-quite-quiet-enough voice as she did so.

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Fortunately Mafia Land was not all that far from their current location, so Lal had only needed to commandeer a helicopter instead of a plane.  Two hours after she’d found the two children they were given clearance to land on the Mafia Land airstrip, and Colonnello was waiting for them when they disembarked.

“Lal, my lovely!”  the blonde baby proclaimed excitedly, holding up flowers towards the woman.  “It’s fabulous to see you-“

Lal’s fist connected with his face, causing him to crumple dramatically, to which the woman rolled her eyes- an action that was felt by the onlookers, despite her visor.  “Idiot!”  She growled as she ground her foot on his head.  “How many times have I told you not to make a scene.”

The light blush that stained her cheeks, that was just barely visible from her high collar, contradicted her words.

Collonello popped back up to his feet and presented her the flowers exuberantly.  “These are for you, my lovely Lal- _ack_!”

Somehow the blue-haired baby had managed to set the bouquet on fire.  “I despise daisies.”  She deadpanned as the flowers burned to ash.

The blonde didn’t seem disheartened at all.  Actually he’d whipped out a small notepad and was taking notes.

“No on the Daisies.”  He muttered as he scribbled.

Lal attempted to swipe the notebook, but the blonde danced just out of her reach and stowed it safely inside his jacket.  “Ah-ah!”  He sang brightly as the woman attempted to cause him bodily harm and he stayed just out of her reach.  “I need to record the results so I can keep track of my progress!”

“What progress?”  Lal muttered as she stopped chasing the idiot and crossed her arms in front of her.

“Why, of all the things my lovely Lal doesn’t like, kora!”  The blonde chirped back cheerily.  “I’ve got a list of-“

“Whatever, idiot.”  Lal cut the blonde off when it looked as if he was about to start waxing poetic about his stupid list.  “These are the brats.”  She told him, gesturing to the two amused, confused, somewhat scared children behind her.  “Basil is the taller one, and Jamie is the one in the skirt.”  She turned to the two children and pointed at the blonde baby.  “This is Collonello.  He’s going to be taking care of you so I don’t have to watch you both be subjected to Iemitsu the Idiot.”  Then she turned back to the blonde baby.  “I have to go or the Idiot will get himself killed or worse.”

“But you just got here!”  Colonnello wailed as the blue-haired baby swiftly made her way back to the helicopter and efficiently powered it up and took off.  “Bye, my love!”  Colonnello yelled while waving like an idiot, (in Lal’s opinion).  “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of our children while you’re gone!”

Again, Lal’s eyeroll could be _felt_.

Soon, however, Lal’s helicopter was just a dot on the horizon and Colonnello turned to face the newcomers.  “Alright, brats!  Like my lovely Lal said, I’m Colonnello and I’m the Guardian of Mafia Land, which is the island that you’re one- _why are you in a skirt, kora_?”  He exclaimed after he got a good look at Jamie.

The disguised girl rolled her eyes and repeated her story.

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Mafia Land was an island roughly the size of Iceland that was entirely shielded from non-Flame users and the secret magical enclaves of the world.  It had a complex structure that allowed it to make short-distance ‘jumps’ and could pass through spaces that were far too small for an island of its size.  Back before the statute of Secrecy was implemented there were magicals who also could use Flames or were allied with Famiglia who had Flame users.  Those magicals contributed the bulk of the hardware that allowed the island to ‘jump’, be shielded and hidden, and maintain its temperate climate no matter what the local weather was like came from. 

Once the Statute of Secrecy had been instituted most of the ‘how to’ information was lost, but whoever was in charge of the island was also responsible for finding magicals who could perform maintenance on the island’s systems.

The island was neutral territory for any upstanding Mafia Famiglia to conduct business, but it was also an amusement park, wildlife preserve, and neutral ground for freelance Mafia workers.  Mafia Land accepted and vetted contracts for hitmen, thieves, fences, assassins, (not to be confused with hitmen- their rules were entirely different!), forgers, and all other manner of underworld-flavored professions.  There was also a business district and a residential district.  It sort of went without saying that there were also top-notch medical facilities in the place as well, due to the high risk of injury that most of the Mafia Land patrons’ professions held.

The island itself was always in motion, partly as a safety feature to make it far more difficult to attack. 

Mafia Land’s year ‘started’ off of the coast of Norway, at which point the island floated south through the North Sea, passing between Britain and France, before it pathed back into the Atlantic and ran along France, Spain, and Portugal.    Then it ‘jumped’ into the Mediterranean Sea.  Once the Mediterranean Sea tour was finished the island made its biggest jump from the Mediterranean Sea, just south of Cypress, into the Persian Gulf.  From there the island floated along the outer edges of Iran, Pakistan, and India. 

Just short of the tip of India, the island starting moving further south, running along the outside edge of Singapore before curving between Australia and Timor-Leste.  At that point the island started moving northward, weaving amongst the plethora of islands that dotted the South Pacific Sea, before eventually ending up off the coast of Hong Kong.  From there the island ran between mainland Asia and Taiwan, along the coast of China all the way up to just south of Dalian, China. 

At that point the island ran along the coast of Korea and back around the outside of Japan, and sometimes it would circle around to the other side of Japan if there was still time left in the schedule.  Once done with the Japan tour, the island then ran between Russia and Alaska before coming around to pass along the northern edge of Russia before ending back at the starting point just off of Norway.

Mafia Land, when not under the control of an Arcobaleno, was governed by three unallied Famiglia.  They were voted for in an election held under the watch of the Vindice and there could only be one Famiglia per country.  So, for example, the CEDEF and the Vongola could not take up two slots of the island’s governing Famiglia as they were both based out of Italy.  Mafia Land Enforcers were then trained to uphold the laws and regulations of the island.  Since Colonnello’s induction as the island’s Guardian, however, he hadn’t bothered replacing any of the Enforcers, and all of the previous ones were either dead or had gone back to their Famiglia, so Jamie and Basil would be the first two Enforcers that had been inducted under Colonnello’s tenure.

By the time Jamie and Basil had been residents of Mafia Land for two months, they were nearly grateful to their kidnappers.

_Nearly_.

They had quickly settled into a routine of helping Colonnello with his rounds in the mornings before being shuffled off to whomever was their tutor was for the day.  They had also learned that Colonnello was a _perfectionist_ when it came to any aspect of their training or education.  However, he was also a lot of fun and took Jamie’s preferences for girl clothes and the female pronouns with no more than a few quips about princesses and how he expected her to be as fierce as her ‘lovely mother Lal’.

At first the comments had bothered Jamie a little, as she was still smarting from the loss of her mum Petunia, but as time went by and Lal called to check-in on them every-so-often she grew comfortable with the gentle teasing and began to settle into her new life.

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Jamie and Basil had learned very quickly that while Colonnello did not require them to wear an official uniform- other than the bright pink armbands that designated them as Mafia Land Enforcers, pink being used because it was not immediately associated with a particular Flame type- he did expect them to dress sharply.  Meaning that he expected their clothes were to be clean, neatly pressed, and able to be easily maneuvered in when they came down to breakfast.  Failure to adhere to Colonnello’s clothes regulations earned them extra runs through the ever-changing and evolving obstacle course _alone_.

Jamie went through several outfits before she finally settled on one that she really enjoyed.  Amusingly enough to Colonnello, it looked much like something Lal would have worn before the Curse.  Jamie typically wore capris that hit about her mid-calf and were usually black or another darker color, though her belt was usually the same color as her shirt and changed often. 

Since Colonnello insisted that both children wear boots, as some of their duties did take them out into the forest on the island and he wanted their legs protected, Jamie tucked her capris into her just-short-of-her-knee boots.  She usually wrapped a layer of white bandages around where the boots ended, to keep the leather from rubbing too much and irritating her.  She preferred brighter colors for her tops- oranges, reds, purples, mostly- and usually wore a long sleeved soft-knit shirt that she rolled the sleeves up on.  Over that she wore a short-sleeved button up shirt that she left untucked.  The over shirt was usually white or beige or cream.  Of course, on her left arm she tied her pink armband that designated her as a Mafia Land Enforcer.  Due to the amount of time she spent in the sun Jamie’s hair had many streaks of red filtered through it. 

Jamie and Lal also had ‘girl time’ about once a month- or whenever Lal could get away from her so-called Boss for a few days- and during one of those times they had gone to the hairdresser and put blue steaks into Jamie’s hair to mimic Lal’s own hair color.  So with her hair and outfit sort of mimicking Lal, it made the resemblance between the two rather uncanny, despite Jamie’s bright green eyes.

Basil, on the other hand, preferred tan cargo pants that were tucked into his equally tanned just-short-of-his-knee boots.  His shirts were also soft knitted ones, but his colors ran the gamut of blue and preferred short-sleeves, and he typically wore a sleeveless white shirt as an undershirt.  He wore a jacket that was much like Colonnello’s, only it was tan to match his pants and boots and he usually left it unbuttoned.  Around his left arm was his pink armband.   

With Basil’s bright blue eyes and sandy-blonde hair, he really did sort of look like he could be related to Colonnello most days!

So, really, they were both rather adorable as they trailed after Colonnello like obedient ducklings.  The Rain Arcobaleno made sure to have some of the other Mafia Land residents snap plenty of pictures.  Some he sent to his lovely Lal- these two were the children of he and Lal’s glorious love, after all!- and the rest he scrapbooked.  Naturally, as Colonnello had a rather unique view of parenting most of the pages had themes such as ‘Our Children’s First Lethal Obstacle Course’ with pictures of the two tumbling through an obstacle with terror etched on their faces or ‘Survival Training, Part I’ in which the two were facing off against the wildlife of the island’s preserve with nothing but their Flames and their own ingenuity.

It was the thought that counted, right?

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Jamie rolled over as the sound of Reveille echoed through her quarters.  _Sometimes_.  She thought with a groan as she forced herself out of bed and stumbled her way towards Basil’s room- her brother hated getting up in the mornings.  _I think that Dad enjoys himself just a bit too much._

The newly-minted nine year old opened the door to her brother’s room and flopped on top of him.  “Morning sunshine!”  She chirped extra cheerily.  “You know Dad’s not going to shut the stupid noise up until we are both down in the yard for morning exercises!”

Basil, whose birthday was the twenty-third of July and had recently turned ten to Jamie’s nine, groaned miserably and tried to burrow deeper into his pillows.  “Gerroff.”  He muttered petulantly.

“Nope!”  Jamie chimed back breezily, hopping up and snatching the blanket off of her brother, earning herself a growl.  “This obnoxious tune gives me a huge headache, so up you get!”

Basil started muttering about terrible sisters and evil parents but he did finally roll out of bed and stumble towards his dresser.

Her job completed, Jamie bounced downstairs.

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Later that day Jamie and Basil were walking down one of the merchant streets of Mafia Land, keeping an eye out for anything that went against Mafia Land’s neutrality policies. 

The policy meant that two people could get into a fight and cause grievous harm or even death.  However, the fight could not have been paid for- as in a hit.  Of course, there were a number of loopholes- Mafia types loved those- but anyone stupid enough to be blatant about picking a fight, hurting or even killing someone, and being paid to do so while on the island answered to Colonnello.  And usually the Vindice as well, if Colonnello did not choose to execute them.

Stupidity was punishable by death, after all.  If you were going to break the rules, do not get caught doing so.  It was basically the first rule of Mafia Land.

Given the amount of time Colonnello had been Mafia Land’s protector and his inability to be bought, most of the Island’s visitors did not bother to try their luck.  There were those reckless idiots who did not listen, however.

Of course there were many other policies and rules for Mafia Land, but the essential principle was that the island was neutral ground and no one- and no group- was allowed to disrupt that.

Jamie munched on her soft pretzel as her eyes scanned the people around her, Basil doing the same beside her.  “ _Is it just me or has there been way more visitors than normal to the Mahajan shop?_ ”  She casually mentioned to her brother in a conversational tone.  The easiest way to encourage eavesdroppers was to lower your voice below a normal tone, after all.  She was also speaking in Siculo-Arabic.

Siculo-Arabic was a language thought to be extinct by modern linguists.  It was the early parent of the Maltese language that was spoken by natives of the island of Malta.  Colonnello had learned it after he took over Mafia Island, as the original creator of the Wards had spoken it and left the texts behind.  The language was most like not perfectly spoken by the three of them- well, four if one counted Lal, who did not speak it bust could understand it- as the creator had left texts that had referenced the contemporary Maltese to them.  Contemporary when the island was created, that is, so _that_ Maltese had needed to be translated into modern Maltese in order to make any sense to Collonnello so he could try to decipher the Siculo-Arabic language to begin with.  In the end, however, they had a language that was quite unique to them and could be used without attracting undue attention, all the while being entirely misleading as none of the modern translations would make any sense to anyone who happened to overhear.

“ _Yeah._ ”  Basil replied in kind.  “ _Do you think we should tell Dad?_ ”

_“Probably_.”  Jamie responded as they mutually decided to take a seat at a nearby open-air café so they could subtly keep an eye on their target.  “ _He said something about there being a crack-down on the trading rings in the Middle East by the United Nations, and we needed to keep an eye out to make sure they do not try to use the Island as a new place to base their operations_.”

‘Trading Rings’ was the colloquial term for those who engaged in the unlawful trade of humans.  It was not allowed to take place on Mafia Land, as slavery of any sort was a big no-no.  There was a bunch of grey area that was taken advantage of in reference to Mater-Apprentice relationships, but those were regulated by Mafia Commission.  Mafia Land, on the other hand, did not aid, abette, or encourage trading rings in any form, and being caught while attempting to set up such an operation on Mafia Land was a death sentence- if you were lucky.  However, when governments decided to do crackdowns on such things there were always greedy bastards willing to risk themselves to try and take their less-than-humane trade through the underworld, and no place was better positioned for such a thing than Mafia Land.

So it was something that Jamie and Basil knew to be vigilant of.  In their time on the island they had learned that the nicest, most pleasant-seeming people could be hiding the darkest, most disgusting intentions.  It had been a harsh lesson for the both of them, who thought after being kidnapped and trained as Enforcers they could read people fairly well.  It was that series of incidents that had shifted Colonnello to ‘Dad’ and Lal to Mom’.

“ _Why can people not treat others the way they wish to be treated in turn?_ ”  Basil muttered as he sipped at his tea.  After subtly checking it for any harmful substances, of course.  Their Dad was _insane_ sometimes.

“ _Because people suck_.”  Jamie chirped back cheerfully.  “ _And some have inadequacy issues so large they only feel powerful when they are tearing someone else down.  Also, some are just taught to be that way from birth_.”  She shrugged as she, too, checked her drink for any unpleasant surprises before sipping at it. 

“ _I suppose you are right_.”  Basil sighed as he slouched and fussed with his cup.  “ _I just don’t like it, you know?_ ”

“ _Yeah_.”  Jamie shot her brother a warm smile over the rim of her own cup.  “ _I get it.  I don’t like having to take things to Dad, either.  I mean, we do not have to deal with the executions just yet, but it makes me sad that people throw away their talents and lives just to be scumbags.”_

Basil smiled ruefully at his sister.  “ _Yeah, pretty much_.”

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